8 Ways Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Broke All The Rules

Princess Beatrice just had the most unusual and astonishing royal wedding in recent history (maybe ever) through no fault of her own. Here are 8 reasons why Beatrice’s wedding to Edoardo “Edo” Mapelli Mozzi will go down in the history books with an asterisk next to it.

#1 She Got Married In The Middle Of A Global Lockdown.

Beatrice married smack dab in the middle of a world crushing pandemic, or rather she got married in spite of it. She almost didn’t get married at all to be exact. Originally her wedding was to take place in May and expected to be every bit as lavish and opulent as any royal wedding in modern history.

#2 She kept the event top secret.

Beatrice pulled off her Plan B nuptials without the public knowing a thing about it. When news broke on Friday that she had married the UK let out a collective gasp in shock.

#3 In A Word, Prince Andrew.

What to say about the father of the bride, the demoted prince, the disgraced prince, the prince whose website was obliterated. All of this very public shaming is due to his alleged involvement in an ongoing international pedophile sex trafficking scandal. Awkward.

#4 Very Few Pictures Have Been Shared.

Unlike in royal weddings past, only a handful of photos have been shared, most featuring only the bride and groom. There is only one pic with family members in it, and those two people are not Beatrice’s parents, but rather her grandparents. Why is that? See #3 above for the explanation.

#5 The Nuptials Were A Bare Bones Affair.

The scale of Beatrice’s nuptials was dwarfed in comparison to her sister Princess Eugenie’s and those of cousins Prince William and Prince Harry. Those were true fairytale affairs with horse-drawn carriages, plenty of bubbly and culinary extravagance, dancing until dawn, and centuries-old churches. In lieu of the pomp and circumstance, Beatrice had to settle for a “theme wedding” reported to be a secret garden.

#6 Very Few People Were Invited.

The guest list was so small that one box of number 11 envelopes could have handled all the invites. No more than 20 people were invited and they clustered together in a tiny chapel rather than the customary cathedral.

#7 The Ceremony Was As Plain As A Vanilla Milkshake.

The stripped-down nuptials apparently had none of the usual flashy accouterments such as banks of flashing bulbs, famed photographers, a retinue of tiny cherubs throwing flower petals, and tantrums, and certainly no jaw-dropping a number of bridesmaids and bridegrooms flanking the bride and groom.

#8 The Bride Wore A Hand Me Down, Dress.

First-time bride Beatrice did not wear a flowy, snowy white gown encrusted with jewels, but rather a hand me down dress last worn to the film premiere of Lawrence Of Arabia.

*For all of the detours and sidesteps that occurred as part of the ceremony, I hope that Beatrice was the happiest girl on the planet that day and that she and her prince will live happily ever after just as it should be.