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British royal family news reveals that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are gazillions richer today after they signed an exclusive podcast deal with Spotify. Added to their £100million production deal with Netflix, they should now be able to buy their own private jet to spread their message of environmental conservation.
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The pair will operate under the handle of Archewell Audio to produce programming that, “uplifts and entertains audiences around the world,” likely with a heavy dose of Meghan’s New Age inflected babble and plenty of Harry’s infamous hostage visage.
They were careful not to spill how much moolah they are making, but it is being called the latest stage in what one marketing executive describes as their aspiration to construct a, “billion-dollar-brand.”
That aspirational run kicked off with a £100million partnership with Netflix this summer, followed up yesterday with news that Meghan has “invested” in a business that makes $28-per-pack oat-milk vegan “superlattes.”
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At the same time they accrue private lucre they have been called out for insisting that everyone refer to them as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Ah well, to the elite fall the privileges.
A preview clip of Archewell Audio was released today and one can hear Harry saying to his wife, “Ladies first,” before Meghan defers (yeah right) saying, “No you say it first because I think it sounds really nice with your accent.” Harry and Meghan’s PR people are really working overtime these days.
An equally scripted line reads: “Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex and Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, present Archewell Audio. Coming soon to Spotify.”
The Duke of Sussex, aka Hollyweird Harry then says, “Archewell Audio,” followed by a tandem reading of the line, “Let’s do it.”
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But wait, there’s more and we are afraid very much more to come.
Harry tries to sound unlike the entitled millionaire he is by casually dropping, “Hi guys, I’m Harry,” and then Mrs. Harry sounds every bit like the Suitcase Girl she used to be saying, “And I’m Meghan.”
Harry and Meghan then find it a good idea to mimic church bells and share they can’t wait to blast their vision to the world.
One imagines Harry waving his scepter as he intones, “So here’s what you need to do, tap follow right now. Go ahead, go on. Tap, follow and that way you won’t miss out and you’ll be able to hear new shows on Archewell Audio as soon as they drop.” Or what, off with our heads?
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