5 Best Things We Learn About Meghan Markle in With Love, Meghan

British royal family news reveals that Meghan Markle’s astounding Netflix cooking show, With Love, Meghan has dropped.

The reviews are awful, the content is cringe, and the tips are laughable—put store pretzels in a different bag for your treasured overnight guests—they’ll thank you in the morning.

Meghan sees the show as her next era, Netflix likely sees it as the final nail in the coffin of what could have been. And they truly deserve this humiliating defeat, being stupid enough to believe in a basic cable actress and a clown prince, showering them with millions five years ago.

Here are five takeaways from With Love, Meghan so you don’t have to watch it. You’re welcome.

Don’t call Meghan a Markle

Meghan has done the seeming impossible—she’s Markled herself. Mindy Kaling is in the rental kitchen with Madame when the diva calls her out—”It’s so funny that you keep saying Meghan Markle. You know I’m Sussex now?”

How rude. Mindy, you kept a poker face but we know you wanted to dress her down like the diggity comic you are.

Meghan’s Bacon is Her Milkshake

Meghan pretends to be elite but her background can’t help but come out when she says without a touch of irony: “my bacon brings all the boys to the yard.” You can’t make tripe like this up. But Meghan isn’t in her yard or her kitchen. She’s rented out a kitchen because we’re not good enough to be in her kitchen.

According to Vogue “It’s her desire to preserve the sanctity of her home that led her to shoot With Love, Meghan at a rented Santa Barbara property rather than her own Montecito estate.”

She protests: “I wanted to protect that haven. We’re a close-knit family, and I love those moments—putting Lili down for a nap, having lunch together, having sacred time together at the end of the day. Our kitchen is where Mama just cooks for the family.” Who’s mama? Oh right …

Meghan Considers Herself High-Low

Because a cooking show is the place to flaunt your wardrobe, Meghan informs Mindy that her style is “high-low” making sure everyone knows she’s wearing Zara pants with a Loro Piana top. Her look is topped off with drippy hair that comes close to winding up in every dish she samples. High-low indeed.

Meghan Eats the Rainbow

Keeping with the high-low theme, Meghan defends crudité to famed foodie Roy Choi. To make her point, she claims to eat “a crudité platter every single day.”

If you, too, want to learn the proper way to arrange crudité, check out the episode (there are eight) titled “Surprise and Delight” where Meghan teaches us how to use Persian cucumbers and purple cauliflower to “create gradients of color. So we have all of our greens in the same world.”

As if to win over the real chef in the rental kitchen, Meghan bleats that color coordinated crudité has the power to change the world: “I find people smile and they feel happy. It’s not that deep but it is thoughtful.”

Meghan Loves Mommy Wine Time

Meghan wants you to know she’s a day drinker: “I like just a wink of fruit flavor in my bubbles, a wink or a whisper” she tells Kaling to which the guest star responds “I think this is the earliest that I’ve had alcohol in a long time.” Meghan gives her a snotty reply: “Oh, welcome to Montecito.”

She also likes her fare spicy declaring “I love the heat.” All that does is remind us of her humiliating Ellen Show skit in which she squatted down in the street and told food vendors she’s a hot mama. Ay caramba.

Tell us your favorite With Love, Meghan moment!

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